Cursed Tongue: Tall Hair Brings FLDS Closer to God

Posted by CursedTongue on April 24, 2008

The raid on the Yearning For Zion (YFZ) Ranch sheds light on one of the seemingly inherent horrors of religious repression:  the crimes of fashion on religious compounds.

Sure, you can’t have a nun without a habit, a Buddhist monk without an orange robe, or a rabbi without a black suit and hat.  But any religion requiring lay members to be stuck in the fashions of what I like to call the Little House Era, should automatically be red-flagged for potential criminal activity.  There are no fashion police, but if there were, the YFZ Ranch would have been invaded by authorities a long time ago.

Members of the FLDS on the YFZ Ranch are allegedly “happy” and “free to leave.”  But I would argue that the pastel prairie dress is incontrovertible proof of abuse and neglect of women.  No grown woman has been happy in puffed sleeves and a full skirt since 1923.  The unchanging “polygamy pastel” prairie dress is testimony of the repression of these women.  Just as surely as the burka is visual proof of the systematic crushing of women’s spirits by Islamic fundamentalists.

If these women are sewing their own clothes, which seems likely because I’ve never once seen a pastel prairie frock on the rack at Kohl’s, there would be changes to the FLDS uniform over time.  Unless they are forbidden from making changes to the one $10 pattern that Warren Jeffs saw fit to spring for in the eighties.  Especially in light of the fact that the YFZ Ranch doesn’t get cable.

Supporting my theory that puffed-sleeves are a sign of neglect and abuse is another cult based in Texas:  the baby beauty pageant.  By “baby,” I mean children old enough to be scarred for life by selfish parents, and young enough not come up with the idea of plastering their little faces in whore make-up and parading in front of judges by themselves.

I know there are a lot of people who would argue that dressing up young girls like mini-Dolly Partons and slathering Vaseline on their teeth is allegedly “sane.”  I would argue that letting their own child’s appearance be scrutinized for fun and profit is almost nuttier than a man with six wives.

Adopting varied dress does not have to mean rejection of their modesty.  Who wants to see the bare midriff of their sister/niece?  Nor do I believe that the YFZ women need to adopt the jeans and t-shirt soccer mom uniform.  These women should be free to choose their own clothes.  They should be removed from the extra thumbs of husbands and church leaders.  And perhaps be relocated to a refugee camp in the parking lot of a JoAnn Fabrics.  I’m positive that given the supplies, these women would come up with clothing that would not be historically accurate in a film about Laura Ingalls Wilder.

For women on YFZ ranch, their only outlet for artistic expression is their hair.  It must be long, so when they die they will have something to dry the feet of their husbands with.  Because, of course, Heaven will have dirt but not fluffy-soft Pima cotton towels.  While their hair is not allowed to hang loose, they can still get fancy.  And they are allowed to have hairspray.  Which may explain why the YFZ hairstyles are so elaborate and poufy.

Their attention to their hairdos, whether inhabitants of the mainstream U. S. finds them attractive or not, displays their yearning for creative expression.  It’s not a pompadour; it’s a cry for help.

- Sarah Letnes

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