Cursed Tongue: A War By Any Other `Nam

Posted by CursedTongue on August 6, 2007

In an impudent and utterly idiotic move Wednesday, President Bush compared the Vietnam War to the current war in Iraq. He said, “Then as now, people argued that the real problem was America’s presence and if we would just withdraw, the killing would end.”

He argues that it was the withdrawal of American forces that led to the horrors that the reign of the Khmer Rouge in Cambodia. He effortlessly overlooks that fact that the insertion of American troops in that region generated the problem, not the subsequent withdrawal.

I thought I couldn’t possibly be more disturbed and offended by the arrogance and disregard of human life unabashedly displayed by President Bush the Second. But never in my wildest imagination did I think he would–with such abandon–expose his nescience, like a pervert with a trench coat, by comparing the quagmire he so kindly volunteered us for, to the quagmire that he conveniently pretended to join the National Guard during avoided and refused to acknowledge.

It’s a lot like the movie Sleepless in Seattle. Not only did writer/director Nora Ephron feel the need to plagiarize remake An Affair to Remember, she also made direct reference to that 1957 film.

Breaking what should be the cardinal rule of terrible movies, “Don’t include clips from a classic film in your crappy-sappy melodramatic, poorly acted and inconceivably stupid C- movie,” she injects Sleepless with actual scenes from Affair. It’s as effectual as stirring saccharine into Diet Coke.

By drawing a direct reference, Bush is inviting comparison. Just as the sucker who paid $8 to see Sleepless is reminded of another film that was also a sentimental quagmire. The longest 119 eye-rolling minutes of my life, Affair is only slightly less unbearable than Sleepless. Probably because at least some karmic revenge is wreaked on the heroine when a well-timed dance number with a taxi turns her into a paraplegic.

No such luck with Meg Ryan’s character in Sleepless. No matter how fervently I pray for the release of a director’s cut that includes a crippling spinal injury.

On the one hand we have Affair or `Nam, both of which could have been shorter, less painful and left less of a legacy of death and destruction, if the authors had chosen not to be pig headed and pull out earlier.

On the other we have decision makers that had plenty of opportunity to recognize the missteps of both Affair and `Nam, and chose to repeat history like a bunch of ignorant charlatans, blinded by delusions of untold power and wealth. These lunatics decided to make Sleepless and invade Iraq despite warning signs so obvious Britney Spears would have seen them. (And I don’t believe that she would have realized that having children doesn’t save a marriage, even if Kevin Federline had that prudent sentiment clearly tattooed on his ass.)

The Bush administration and filmmakers at TriStar Pictures could have completely avoided unleashing a horrific war and atrocious movie on a victimized world, if only they had seriously considered the historical ramifications. Yes, I just compared the tragedy of war to me being bored and slightly nauseous for two hours, proving my point that anyone who doesn’t know what they’re doing should avoid inappropriate analogies.

By verbally making the comparison between wars in Iraq and Vietnam, President Bush proves that he’s paying absolutely no attention to the current war what so ever. Iraqis are already fleeing in the millions and dying in the thousands. The war torn country has already received a dose of the same U. S. diplomatic magic we worked on Cambodia, and we’re still there throwing Napalm onto the fire.

How bad do the conditions in Iraq have to get, before the only possible way to make things worse would be complete nuclear annihilation, or a Tom Hanks film festival? (If you think that’s, harsh you’re obviously forgetting Bosom Buddies.)

- Sarah Letnes

Filed Under: Cursed Tongue, Guest Blog - Comments: Be the First to Comment

Tags: humor, politics

top