Have You Seen This Squirrel?

Posted by Cynical Sarah on October 22, 2007

It seems that the complaints people have filed against the squirrels in a local park didn’t come soon enough. On Saturday, at least one visitor to the park was held up and attacked by an overly zealous squirrel.

The victim was strolling through the park with her husband. They had brought along some popcorn to feed to the squirrels despite the warning from animal control not to feed them anymore.

“I reached down to entice a squirrel out on to the path and was going to toss it some popcorn, but it jumped into my hand instead,” said Sandra Lemming, the person who was attacked. “I think it was a baby one. It was really small anyway and there seemed to be a lot of really little ones running around on Saturday.”

She commented that they were super fast and the squirrel hand jumped into her hand and startled her before she had any time to defend against it.

“The crazy thing is, the little ones didn’t like the popcorn anyway,” she said. “A lot of the squirrels were rejecting the popcorn and just waiting for someone with peanuts to come around anyway. They can actually afford to be picky about what handouts they take.”

Lemming’s husband managed to snap a picture of the offending squirrel, and park walkers are warned to be on the lookout for it.

“It may look like a lot of those super-fast, little ones, but really, you should be wary of any of those little ones out there,” said Officer Drake Remoray, Animal Control Department. “They’re all very aggressive, and we haven’t yet figured out why.”

In the meantime, Remoray is reissuing his warning to not feed the squirrels. Though, if you do, be sure you’re giving them something they want so you don’t put yourself at risk like Lemming did.

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Tags: humor, Satire, wildlife

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