Man Beat Down by Old Ladies at Casino

Posted by Cynical Sarah on June 12, 2006

A Boulder, Colo., man was found beaten outside the Black Hawk Casino in the Rocky Mountains after being attacked by a group of senior citizens. The women were upset about Ernest Alivero’s fortune playing the slot machines at the casino while they’d been sitting there all day with no luck.

Alivero’s trip to the casino began in the early evening hours. He and his roommates went out for dinner and decided to spend their evening at the casino. Once there, he hit a jackpot right away on the penny machines, winning more than $100 in pennies.

“He’s pretty lucky that way,” said Josephine Ross, one of his roommates. “Everytime we come up here, I end up losing money and somehow he at least breaks even.”

The first win irritated some of the older ladies who had been spending their day playing at the casino on a senior citizen center group trip from Denver.

“You always wonder about those people that can just sit down at a machine for a little bit and it pays out big,” said Alma May, one senior citizen on the group trip. “On these day trips, we often spend all day just warming up machines for other people to end up cashing out on. It can get irritating.”

What really got to the ladies though was when Alivero moved on to the five cent machines after winning big and hit another jackpot right away. Within an hour of walking into the casino, he had won close to $500 playing the penny and nickel slots.

“Even I have to admit that was more lucky than I usually am,” Alivero said. “Normally I feel pretty good walking away with an extra $20 or $30. I’ve had a trip or two where I’ve hit the $100 mark too, but never this much and on two different machines. I would have hated me too if I was in someone else’s shoes watching me win all this money.”

Alivero’s luck and his ensuing happy dance for all his winnings really got under the skin of the ladies on the senior citizen trip. Not normally prone to violence on their own, they developed a sort of mob mentality as they muttered amongst each other about Alivero.

“I don’t know what came over me. I was just so angry,” said Gertrude Adeline. “The more we talked about how much bad luck we’d had during the day, and the more I thought about what I could have used the $20 I lost on other things, I just couldn’t help but hate that guy.”

The old ladies banded together in their anger and decided to do something about it. They asked their activities director if they could stay past 7 p.m. just that one time so they could play a little more. Then they waited for a moment when Alivero would be alone.

“I needed a breath of fresh air and decided to step outside,” Alivero said. “As soon as I stepped outside, a whole crowd of old ladies followed right behind me. Normally I wouldn’t have thought twice about it, but it was late and these ladies had a certain look about them.”

The ladies surrounded Alivero and began swatting at him with their hands and their handbags. Alivero was eventually forced to the ground where they began to also kick him with their orthopedic shoes.

“The bags were bad enough. We all know how much crap old ladies carry around in those things. One lady even had knitting needles that she took out of her bag and started jabbing me with,” Alivero said.

Alivero eventually lost consciousness and when he woke up again he was surrounded by the casino’s medical team and his friends, and the old ladies had disappeared.

Authorities didn’t waste any time finding the ladies who’d assaulted Alivero though. In the half hour it took them to all get loaded on the bus and get on their way back to Denver, Alivero had already been found and told someone what had happened. They were apprehended only a few miles down the road.

Alivero had a brief overnight stay at the hospital to make sure he didn’t have a concussion or any broken bones. He is now recovering at home. The dozen old ladies that were part of the attack against him have all been charged with assault.

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Tags: gambling, humor, Satire

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