Surviving Survivor

Posted by Cynical Sarah on May 7, 2006

There are a lot of things I do, not because I personally enjoy them, but because it’s nice to do things with my husband. Tame, harmless things people, don’t let your minds wander into the gutter.

One of those things is watching Survivor. I watched bits and pieces of it the first season, but never real got into it. Then I met Troy and he would ask me every week, “Did you watch Survivor?” So, I started watching it once in a while. Then when we moved in together it became a must-watch part of television programming.

Like a sucker, I sit down every week to watch a show that I don’t even care about. In the dark, no less, because for optimal television viewing all lights must be off just like you’re in a movie theater … or so I’m told. But I do it, because I love my husband, and I like spending time with him. Plus it’s one of the few times that no matter how hot it is in the condo, he doesn’t mind snuggling.

So, you might be asking why you should care about any of this. Really, you shouldn’t, because after a full season of Survivor and actually paying attention to the challenges and getting to know the people, I still didn’t care about the show. It still made no difference to me who won the million dollars.

Just like any other episode during the season, you could have fast-forwarded through the entire show and just showed me who got voted off, and I would’ve been satisfied. I will admit to ending up with some favorites from the show. Cirie cracks me up and just on entertainment value and the fact that she could make fire and catch fish by the end of her stay, she should be given a million dollars.

I think anyone would agree that if you threw an over-weight city girl out in the wilderness like that, and she managed to not only accomplish those few things but also make it into the final four, she really should’ve just been handed the money at the end. Based on popularity alone, she could’ve earned a whole lot more with a real contract with the network. I can guarantee you if there is ever another “Survivor: All-Stars” they’ll do their best to bring her back.

But, I digress. Let’s get back to the final episode. Here I was sitting on the couch, in the dark, having to listen to all these people talk about their experience and ask the two finalists questions to determine who to vote for. Obviously a lot of this must be scripted, since the questions seem vaguely familiar from seasons past. The only thing that makes each season a bit different are the weirdos of the group who have to get their two cents in about the game and the finalists before asking the question. Remember Susan from season one? She’s still the only thing I remember from that show besides the guy who won.

This year, the “Susans” of the final episode were the crazy-haired blonde hippy girl. Her speech and interaction with the finalists just made me want to leave the room. Troy had to literally pull me back onto the couch and force me to keep watching at that point. I always feel so embarrassed for the “kooks” on shows like that.

Of course next up in the “kook” list is Shane. As if it couldn’t get worse from the blonde girl’s back stabbing speech and spiritual growth talk, Shane had to bring up how he was back-stabbed and lied to by Aras, and then rant about how Danielle was just useless as a player. At least he was being honest, but did he realize at the time that he’d be looking back at that and having to watch himself act like a big sore loser? Not to mention the millions of other viewers who would get to see it.

After all the weirdness and the half-scripted questions, I still had no idea who would win it. I still didn’t even care enough about either finalist to even know who to cheer for or who to hope wouldn’t win. I like shows better when there’s an obvious villain and someone to give a little psychic support to.

So who won? Aras. Does it really matter? No.

If you’ve gotten this far in my column, I hope that the one thing you can take away from this is that sometimes, you just have to suck it up and watch those crazy shows or participate in those crazy sports or just show up for something to support your spouse.

If my husband wants me to join him on the couch to watch a show I couldn’t care less about, you bet I’m probably going to be there. At least its a little snuggle-time and time we can share together.

- Sarah L. Polson

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