Top Five Rules to Implement on Public Transit

Posted by Cynical Sarah on June 13, 2006

5. All patrons must wear deoderant.

There’s nothing worse than being trapped in an enclosed space with someone with bad B-O. It would save them a lot of embarrassment and the rest of us the trouble of trying to remain inconspicuous as we find ways to block the smell from assaulting our senses.

4. Backpacks must be taken off.

Every morning hundreds of people cram on the train, and there’s always a few who don’t realize that the unspoken rule is that you take your backpack off and put it on the floor at your feet. So, let’s make it a real rule. You can fit an extra one or two people in a train car just with that one simple move.

3. Overly sensitive people should just take a cab.

Some lady started yelling at a guy the other day just because he was getting closer to her in his efforts to make his way to the door as the train was stopping. EVERYONE starts moving to the door at their stop, but she took it as a personal insult and threat. People who can’t handle being smashed together with lots of different people of all shapes and variety shouldn’t be using public transit.

2. Fines for people who get the crazy person talking.

Whether it’s through direct eye contact or acknowledging something they said, there’s always someone who manages to set off a drunk, homeless or crazy person on the train and send them into a long, annoying monologue. Proper public transit etiquette says not to make eye contact or feign interest in anything but the view outside the window, some reading material you’ve brought with you or any electronic gadget you  might have along, just for that reason.

1. No grumpy old people.

I’ve seen more old people picking unnecessary fights and trying to teach those “young hooligans” a lesson by berating them on public transit, than anyone else. Not only that, it’s usually the grumpy old ones that need extra help and probably should be finding a better way to get around too. It’s not my responsibility to help you figure out your correct change because you can’t see, or carry your bags onto the bus because you can’t get up the stairs with them on your own — no matter how nice I am.

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