Top Five Worst Ways to Lose Weight

Posted by Cynical Sarah on June 15, 2006

5. Contracting a parasite.

I’ve seen an example of this on a TV show once, and I heard that’s how Bette Midler lost so much weight. But I doubt having wriggling tape worms in your stomache is worth fitting into a pair of pants a size or two smaller.

4. The crack or meth method.

Don’t believe everything your local dealer tells you. Yes, you will probably lose a lot of weight if you’re doing meth or crack, but it’s only because your brain is now much and you don’t ever remember to eat. Nobody likes a skeletal man or woman with a fried brain.

3. The cabbage soup diet

The sad thing is that most people know exactly what I’m talking about with this one because almost everyone has tried it. The soup, being cabbage based, stinks up the house. You’ll be 150 lbs lighter just with the loss of your spouse during this diet.

2. Moving to a poverty stricken country.

It might be an attractive idea to move to a third world country like Ethiopia where it’s guaranteed you won’t have a lot to eat and the heat will help you shed pounds like crazy. Just remember that when you’re body is starving, it eats muscle first and saves fat for last, so in reality, you’ll end up a big blob of fat dying from heat stroke.

1. Amputation of a limb.

“I just lost 50 lbs with the new miracle amputee surgery!” — Though you may want to look on the positive side and consider the loss of a limb or two weight loss, it doesn’t really count. The true bright side is that you’ll probably lose a lot of real weight while you’re recovering and going through physical therapy.

Want to Play Along?
Send me your Top Five list of something and get yourself published on CynicalSarah.com!
(Entries should be less than 300 words and sent to sarah@cynicalsarah.com. Have fun with it and make us laugh! If published, your list will include your name and a link to your blog or site.)

Filed Under: Blog - Comments: Be the First to Comment

Tags: diet, humor

top