Vancouver Seeks to Clean Up Festivals, Improve City Image

Posted by Cynical Sarah on June 2, 2007

The city of Vancouver, B.C., has issued a new ordinance to help clean up the city’s image before the 2010 Olympics come to town. To cut down on the pot smoker and general odd culture in some parts of the city, festivals have been banned.

“There are some good festivals that make this city great,” said a city official, “but for the most part they attract lots of the large drug crowd out there as well as the ‘kooks’ that give the city sort of an eccentric image.”

It is widely know that British Columbia is known for its marijuana. Not only is it one of the province’s chief underground exports, the province has the highest per capita use of the product than anywhere else in the world.

“It’s a pretty common site on the streets, and that’s something we need to change before the spotlight is shining on us for the Olympic games,” said the city official.

The International Olympic Committee has shown a very low tolerance for any sort of drug use, even if it’s not performance enhancing. City officials are afraid the games could be yanked from the city if the world gets wind of how prominent B.C. bud is in the city.

“These people gather at all the different festivals in the city,” the city official said. “They’re drawn to the big crowds where they can blend in and smoke to their hearts content in public without drawing too much attention to themselves. Plus it’s a chance to spread the product to others.”

This same drug culture is also responsible for the “kooks” the city official referred to earlier. He believes that even if they aren’t doing the drugs, they’re initially drawn to the city by the drugs and go to the festivals to be a part of the “fun, artsy” drug culture.

“There were crazy topless women at a festival just this past weekend,” the official said. “It was supposed to be a fun family festival, which is definitely the image we want for the city, but instead, these people show up and turn it into a freak show. The only way to eliminate the problem without discriminating against people is to just shut down these festivals all together.”

Upon hearing the news, residents of Vancouver had mixed reactions.

“I can’t believe they’re letting a few people ruin it for the rest of us,” said one Vancouverite. “Why should the rest of us have to give up our fun because of the potheads and the crazies? There’s got to be a better way to tone down their predominance in the local culture.”

Another resident expressed his agreement with the new ordinance, saying it will actually make the city better having less events attracting big crowds like the festivals do.

“Have you ever tried taking transit just before or after these things are taking place?” he asked. “Take these fireworks things for example. It’s a nightmare trying to use public transit after they’re done. It would be much simpler to not having them, and we’d never have to worry about frustrating crowds again.”

The new law takes affect starting in September after this summer’s round of festivals is over. Vancouverites can expect a much slower summer next year with much less to do.

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